When asked whether she’d consider resigning – after months of chaos, skyrocketing fees, and residents muttering “what fresh hell is this?” in the hallways – Lady Gwendolyn of the Board offered the following pearl:
“I won’t resign. I still have more to contribute to this community.”
How very public-spirited of her.
Let’s take a moment, shall we, to honour the bountiful contributions of Gwendolyn, Blenvale’s unofficial enforcer of rules and self-appointed Queen of the Hallways.
📈 1. The Gift of Inflation – Reimagined
Under Gwendolyn’s watchful monocle, condo fees didn’t rise – they soared. Not gradually, but with the grace of a bull in a china shop: sudden, messy, and completely over the top.
Some say inflation.
We say: “Gwendolyn wanted to leave a legacy.”
📸 2. Privacy? Peasantry Talk.
Gwendolyn has also pioneered a unique hobby: snapping pictures of residents in semi-private spaces. Laundry rooms, elevators, corridors – nothing escapes her lens.
Why?
For “documentation,” she insists.
We suspect a forthcoming gallery exhibition: “Portraits of the Non-Compliant.”
🕵️♀️ 3. Surveillance as a Love Language
She patrols the halls like a cross between Sherlock Holmes and Miss Marple, documenting minor infractions like they’re matters of state.
- Left a parcel in the hallway for ten minutes? Treason.
- Offered a nod instead of a cheerful greeting?” Insurrection.
- Quietly asked a question about spending? Call the barristers.
Less of a safeguard, more of a paranoid hawk with binoculars.
🗣️ 4. Harassment – but with a Clipboard
Not content with surveillance alone, Gwendolyn has also championed the fine art of subtle harassment.
From cryptic and not so cryptic emails signed “on behalf of the Board” to hallway stares that could frost your windshield, she leads with dignity – and follows with intimidation.
She may not bake cakes, but she serves paranoia with flair.
So no, she will not resign.
Not while there’s still one wall unphotographed, one question unanswered by legal, one owner who hasn’t yet felt the sting of her civic-minded scrutiny.
After all, she came to contribute.
And contribute she has – like a skunk at a backyard BBQ.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
