Filed under: You Canât Handle the Truth
Last nightâs general meeting was less of a democratic forum and more of a courtroom cosplay convention – minus the wigs but heavy on the interruptions.
Picture it: A small community gathering transformed into a fortified legal fortress, bristling with enough lawyers to stage a Netflix reboot called Law & Order: Common Element Crimes Unit. The mood? Intimidating. The strategy? Muzzle, mislead, and manage the optics.
Enter the opposition, a brave soul, who dared to exercise that rarest of condominium rights: telling the truth.
As he began to inform owners – gasp – that the Corporation had lost its appeal (you know, the one they blew 90,000 of our dollars on), the lawyer-mediator (read: Boardâs microphone bouncer) swooped in like a hawk with a law degree and declared him off-topic.
Off-topic? In a general meeting about the state of the community? Apparently, in Blazer Selfworth’s Condo Kingdom, the only acceptable âtopicsâ are scripted brilliance from the legal department, delivered by a human teleprompter who couldn’t possibly explain what he just said – but rest assured, he read it slowly and with confidence. Not the whole hundreds of thousands of dollars losing in court again thing.
Meanwhile, Blazer himself – our beloved president – oozed confidence as he served another round of veracity-challenged statements with the smirk of a man who thinks transparency is the Boardâs favourite buzzword – right after âconfidentialâ and âwe are just volunteers’
And then, he outdid even himself.
With a straight face and unshaken smirk, Blazer claimed – wait for it – that interest rates are higher now than they were in November 2023, when the Board was contemplating a loan.
Fact check: In November 2023, when the Board was contemplating a loan, the Bank of Canadaâs overnight rate was 5.00%. Today, itâs 2.75%.
So no, Blazer. They’re not higher.
Theyâve gone down – just like your credibility.
Itâs not just spin anymore – itâs gravitational defiance.
And letâs not forget âthe presentsâ– those handpicked, poker-faced owner-plants dutifully nodding like dashboard bobbleheads. You know, the ones who mysteriously appear at every meeting to echo the Boardâs talking points, then vanish faster than condo funds into legal invoices.
Nothing to see here, folks. Just a totally organic show of support. Like a grocery store tomato in February.
đ¤ Takeaways:
- The Corporation lost the appeal. Again. You paid for it. Again.
- Mentioning it is now considered a breach of decorum.
- Truth is âoff-topic.â But boiler photos? Always welcome.
- Blazer Selfworth’s grasp of basic economics is… imaginative.
- The community deserves real answers, not curated PR theatre with legal muscle.
Stay tuned. The condo circus rolls on – same clowns, higher ticket prices.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
