Condo Chronicles

Well folks, break out the opera glasses and a thermos of lukewarm tea – the crane has landed. Yes, a towering marvel of engineering has been summoned to our humble oppression palace to perform the noble task of hoisting boilers into the sacred boiler room.

And how, you ask, did we come to learn of this momentous event?

Because it’s been broadcast more aggressively than the Queen’s Christmas speech. Notices everywhere. Elevator posters, door flyers, possibly skywriting next week if Mildred gets her way. If you managed to miss it, Blazer Selfworth will personally read it aloud to you, unprompted, in the mailroom – twice.

This is, after all, the same leadership duo who thought silence was golden when it came to informing owners about six-figure legal bills, or planned litigation. But a crane? Order the cake and book the mayor – a boiler is rising. Shame we can’t say the same about financial transparency.

Because nothing says “responsible governance” quite like obsessively notifying residents that a metal giraffe is lifting a giant tin can – while remaining eerily silent about how many zeros are on the invoice.

One might assume the boilers are a gift from some benevolent plumbing fairy. Or perhaps Mildred has bartered them in exchange for her extensive collection of passive-aggressive notices.

🔇 Silence Where It Counts

Isn’t it funny? They’ll trumpet the arrival of a crane like it’s the second coming, but the actual cost of this whole steamy spectacle? That’s apparently classified.

No mention of the price tag.
No breakdown of the budget.
No whisper of how we’re paying for it – just Mildred doing her best impersonation of a Victorian ghost whenever someone dares ask, “Will this affect our fees?”

Blazer, meanwhile, has been spotted gesturing enthusiastically toward the sky, saying things like “modernization” and “infrastructure upgrade,” while strategically dodging the words “tender,” “contract,” and “who approved this?”

You see, in the mystical land of Saddlestone, selective transparency is the national sport. The board communicates like stage magicians: distract with the shiny crane in the left hand, quietly increase your condo fees with the right.

They treat money like Lord Voldemort: “He Who Must Not Be Named.”
Boilers? Yes.
Borrowing by-law? Shhh.
The exact cost of the operation? Oh darling, don’t be vulgar.

So while Mildred and Blazer proudly hoist another laminated flyer onto the bulletin board, the rest of us are left to wonder whether this is being paid for with reserve funds, surprise special assessments, or perhaps Blazer’s personal piggy bank (spoiler: it’s not).

Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.