You’ve heard of science deniers, history revisionists, and flat-earthers. But have you met the rarest breed of all?
The “Tribunal-Is-Not-Litigation” Millicent.
Yes, dear residents, Millicent – our affidavit artisan and part-time legal philosopher – recently declared with great authority, “It’s not litigation. It’s just CAT. That’s a tribunal, not the courts.”
That’s right. And if you’re bitten by a snake, it’s not a medical emergency – it’s just an unplanned nature hug.
🧠 Millicent’s Legal Lexicon
Let’s break it down for those who mistakenly believe facts matter:
- Litigation: The process of resolving a dispute through a legal forum.
- CAT (Condominium Authority Tribunal): A legal forum.
- Millicent: A person for whom those two truths are mutually exclusive.
Yes, according to Millicent, once you’re in front of CAT with sworn affidavits, legal arguments, hearings, evidence, and a binding decision… you’re not litigating. You’re having a structured group chat.
📄 And Here’s Where It Gets Expensive
Why does this matter? Because Millicent’s belief that CAT is not “real” litigation makes its way into official documents – like, say, status certificates.
These are legal disclosures that must tell prospective buyers if the condo is involved in litigation. But since Millicent doesn’t think CAT counts, she doesn’t include it.
So congratulations, buyers – you might move in, only to discover you’re footing the bill for a tribunal dispute you were never told about, thanks to Millicent’s Law & Order: Alternate Universe Edition.
📄 But Wait – It Gets Better (Worse)
At a recent board meeting, Millicent also confidently announced:
“Gas prices are going up.”
This, of course, was patently false. One board member, armed with basic literacy and possibly a receipt from Petro-Canada, pointed out the truth: gas prices were going down.
But Millicent had spoken. And the Board – always eager to exploit a falsehood wrapped in certainty – acted accordingly.
They tried to increase the gas line in the budget.
Why? Because “gas prices are rising,” said Millicent.
But what did that increase really cover? Legal fees.
That’s right: while Millicent was busy waving at imaginary inflation, the Board quietly padded the budget to hide mounting legal costs from their CAT escapades – the same ones Millicent insists aren’t “real litigation.”
So next time someone says “no one could’ve seen this coming,” remember: we did. It was just hidden under “Utilities.”
“SEE?! IT’S UP FROM $1.89!” she claimed
It didn’t matter that the newspaper said otherwise, that statistics confirmed the drop, or that the price sign said $1.47.
Millicent, once again, stood her ground. On a mountain of wrong.
👑 Final Thought
When someone misreads a gas pump, that’s one thing. But when they misread the law and then mislead buyers in legal documents? That’s an expensive delusion.
So next time Millicent waves off tribunal rulings as just online hobby time, remember:
It’s not just embarrassing. It’s a liability.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
