Two years ago, I made a radical suggestion. Not revolutionary, not budget-busting – just common sense.
I asked the Board to move a camera. Not install a new one. Not commission a $20,000 feasibility study. Just reassign one lonely lens from the garbage room to the bicycle room – where, incidentally, people’s property is regularly stored (and occasionally stolen).
The response? A firm and final No.
No explanation. No rationale. Not even a fake security audit to make it look thoughtful.
Apparently, in the glittering logic palace of Mildred & Co., it’s far more important to watch residents dispose of an empty yogurt container incorrectly than to deter theft of actual property. Because nothing keeps a community safe like making sure someone didn’t put Styrofoam in the wrong bin.
That’s right – their priority isn’t protecting bikes. It’s catching bin rebels. The outlaws of the recycling room. The hardened criminals who dare toss a pizza box without flattening it. You know – the real threats to condo life.
The garbage room gets high-tech surveillance.
The bicycle room gets blind spots, unlocked doors, and good luck.
Because when your governance style is “Rules Over Reality,” you don’t secure property – you secure compliance. Even if it costs residents their bikes, and their patience.
So next time you hear the phrase “security camera,” remember: it’s not about safety. It’s about obedience.
Big Smile – you’re on Trash Cam.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
