🛐 The Church of Never Wrong

Where ego is eternal, facts are optional, and the resident is always wrong

There comes a time in every crumbling democracy – or in our case, crumbling boiler room – when the ruling class must choose between humility and delusion. Our Board, naturally, chose the latter, sprinkled it with incense, bound it in faux-legalese, and called it “governance.”

When the Superior Court confirmed that yes, they had indeed lost (again), there was no letter. No community update. No notice flapping cheerfully on the bulletin board between “Window Cleaning Schedule” and “Please Don’t Feed the Pigeons.”

Just silence. Deep, resounding, sanctimonious silence.

📯 They Announce Cranes Like Papal Visitations

Now, to be clear – this Board does not suffer from communication issues. Oh no. We are a deeply informed population.

If a crane is spotted within a 3km radius, expect a special dispatch, two follow-ups, and possibly a commemorative fridge magnet.
Boiler maintenance? Dear Lord – it’s treated like a national emergency. Laminated notices, bold red headings, perhaps a musical if they had the budget.
But a major legal defeat after spending six figures of your money?

Tumbleweed.

You’d get more transparency from the MI6 Christmas party.

📜 A Glorious May Letter… and Then?

Cast your minds back to the May 15 love letter from the Board to itself – a three-page, soft-focus epistolary tantrum, lovingly tacked to the lobby wall.

In it, they declared themselves victims of vicious litigation (which they themselves started), defenders of rules (which they selectively enforce), and protectors of the people (whom they appear to deeply resent).

And then…
They lost.
Again.
In Superior Court.
To a disabled woman.
Whom they had already been ordered to compensate.

And they said…

Absolutely nothing.

Not even a cheeky little footnote under the boiler update.

🪞 Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall, Who’s the Most Oppressed of All?

What we did get was a cartoonish spectacle of spiritual self-congratulation. The incense of “confirmation bias,” the holy chants of “We Did Nothing Wrong,” and of course, the glowing portrait of Blazer the Blessed – now presumably canonized as the Patron Saint of Misused Legal Funds.

They could have admitted fault.
They could have apologized.
They could have – dare we say – grown.

Instead, they erected a shrine to their own infallibility and hoped the rest of us would be too distracted by laundry room notices to notice the smell of scorched credibility.

📜 And Lo, the Board Delivered Unto Us… The Ten Condo Commandments

Discovered carved into the drywall behind the management office microwave, these sacred rules govern life at Blenvale Tower:

1. Thou Shalt Not Question the Board
For their wisdom is infinite, their judgment infallible, and their memory extremely selective.

2. Thou Shalt Honour the Rules (Unless You Are the Board)
Rules are sacred texts, except when mildly inconvenient to enforce upon one’s friends.

3. Thou Shalt Worship the Budget (Until It’s Time to Appeal a Loss)
Fiscal responsibility is vital – unless one’s ego requires emergency funding.

4. Remember the Boiler Day and Keep It Holy
All residents must bow before the boiler notices, which shall be laminated and revered.

5. Thou Shalt Not Make Unto Thyself Any Service Dog
Especially not one with medical documentation – for nothing threatens condo peace like compassion.

6. Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of the Property Manager in Vain
Even when emails go unanswered and repairs are lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Work Orders.

7. Thou Shalt Bear Witness to Tribunal Losses, But Speak Not of Them
Let the judgments be buried, the invoices paid, and the shame never spoken of again.

8. Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbour’s Balcony Paint
Unless it was previously enclosed, white, blessed by the Board, and approved by a committee of three.

9. Thou Shalt Not Steal – Except Time, Transparency, and Sanity
For these are taken daily in the name of “process.”

10. Thou Shalt File No Requisitions Without Fear and Trembling
And if thou doest, expect thy withdrawal notices to be redacted into oblivion.

And So We Pray (For a Budget That Isn’t on Fire)

Until such time as humility returns to Blenvale Tower, we invite all residents to light a candle in memory of:

Due process
Accountability
And any remaining dignity attached to the Board’s legal strategy

In the meantime, you can find “The Church of Never Wrong” just down the hall – past the boiler room, behind the deflection, and next to the locked transparency cabinet.

Bring incense. And your wallet.

Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.

Condo Chronicles