Condo Chronicles

There are many ways to get to know your neighbours. A friendly hello in the elevator. A wave from the balcony. Or, if you’re the president of our condominium board – let’s call him Bite Barker – you could just silently surveille them in the backyard and start snapping pictures from behind so they cannot see you.

Yes, dear readers, this actually happened.

While I was outside with my service dog, enjoying a brief moment of fresh air in our shared green space (you know, the one technically meant for residents?), I noticed something odd. A figure lurking at a distance. Holding up a phone. Pointed directly at me. More specifically, at my bad side.

At first, I thought, “Surely this must be a misunderstanding. No one would be so shameless.” But no. Bite Barker, in all his statesmanlike dignity, was documenting my movements, from behind, like some sort of undercover National Geographic field study.

Apparently, photographing a woman’s backside as she bends down to manage her service dog is now part of the board’s ‘enforcement strategy.’ And they brought these photos to CAT to “prove that I had multiple dogs”. Yes, dear reader. But I did not, just a dog before and after grooming appointments.

“Your Honour, Exhibit A: The Applicant’s Posterior.” It is part of the public record.

Let’s be clear. There was no incident, no provocation, no “rule enforcement” taking place. Just a man with authority and a camera, targeting someone he’s already in conflict with, in a disturbingly personal way.

I did not consent to be photographed. I certainly did not consent to have that angle preserved for board, CAT and Superior Court archives. But more importantly, I felt violated. Not just as a woman, or a resident, or a person with a disability – but as someone who thought basic respect was still a thing.

I suppose this is what passes for governance now: clandestine backyard photo ops, thinly veiled intimidation, and creepy behaviour dressed up as “documentation.” Because nothing says “we take harassment seriously” like the board president photographing a woman, behind her back, under the pretense of enforcing leash length.

If you ever wonder why residents feel unsafe or harassed, start here. With the man behind the lens. And the silence that followed.

But hey – maybe next time he’ll get my good side.

Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.