So there I was – recovering from a double biopsy.
Two needles, one body, zero fun.
Meanwhile, in a windowless office stacked with affidavits and self-importance, Suemore Billmore, legal counsel to the morally unsupervised, read the request for an adjournment and thought:
“Absolutely not. That sounds like a personal problem.”
Because nothing delights a condo lawyer quite like opposing a medical adjournment – it’s basically their version of cardio.
đź©ş Suffering? Irrelevant. Discomfort? Billable.
You’d think that invasive medical procedures might warrant a pause – just a tiny, decent pause – in proceedings.
But Suemore disagreed.
Apparently, bleeding from two biopsy sites isn’t grounds for delay, but more of a motivational tool.
“Your Honour, the applicant is clearly still capable of breathing. We see no reason this matter cannot proceed.”
🧛‍♀️ Suemore Billmore: Fueled by Paper Cuts and Lack of Empathy
Suemore didn’t just oppose the adjournment.
They opposed the very concept of human recovery.
In her world, the only valid excuse for absence is spontaneous combustion – and even then, they would ask for proof the applicant didn’t set the fire themselves.
She probably keeps a stamp on her desk that reads:
“DENIED: Not Medically Dead Enough.”
🎯 Tactical Cruelty: Because Winning Nicely Is Too Hard
Let’s be honest – it wasn’t about schedules.
It wasn’t about fairness.
It was about trying to catch me mid-anesthesia, hoping I’d be too weak, too foggy, or too bandaged to defend myself properly.
That’s not advocacy. That’s just procedural sadism in kitten heels.
🧠Some lawyers practice law. Suemore practices “see how far we can push before the judge winces.”
💉 “We oppose the adjournment.”
- Yes, that’s a real sentence.
- No, it wasn’t satire.
- Yes, it was filed while I was literally recovering from a double biopsy.
Because when the other side starts losing on substance, they try to win by attrition.
And when decency knocks? Suemore deadbolts the door and invoices the time.
So congratulations, Suemore.
You’ve proven that even in 2025, there’s still one industry where cruelty is a business model.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go ice my biopsy while you ice your soul.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
