Or: Why Asking for Condo Records Feels Like Negotiating with a Toddler Holding a Crayon Grenade
Some residents ask to see the financials because they care about transparency.
Others ask because they’ve noticed the legal budget now rivals the GDP of a small country.
I ask because I thought it was my right.
Silly me.
What followed wasn’t a professional process. It was a psychological experiment in how far a property manager can twist herself into knots to avoid uploading a PDF.
🧒 Enter the Property Manager:
We’ll call her… Millicent.
Millicent, bless her heart, seems to believe that posting monthly financials is optional, like flossing or using a blinker in a condo parking lot.
The more I ask, the more Millicent resists – with the petulance of a toddler being told vegetables exist.
- “We’re working on it.”
(Three months ago.) - “You’ll get it once it’s approved.”
(Approved by whom? The Ministry of Secrets?) - “It’s not our practice.”
That’s funny. Because it’s actually the law.
🧑‍💼 But Wait – Millicent Has a Boss!
Surely her superior, Daphne Nothingshire, will intervene with grace and competence.
Ah, but Daphne’s specialty isn’t solving problems. It’s vanishing into her inbox like a puff of scented mist.
Daphne’s responses include:
- Total silence
- Forwarding your email… to legal
- And once, a condescending lecture on “communication boundaries”
Because nothing says professionalism like punishing an owner for wanting to know where the money went.
🧾 Spoiler: The Financials Are Yours. Legally.
Let’s review:
- You pay condo fees
- Those fees fund everything
- The board has a statutory obligation to maintain records
- Owners have a legal right to access them
Asking for the monthly financials isn’t an act of aggression. It’s basic governance.
Millicent acting like I’ve asked her to donate a kidney is… unprofessional at best. Oppressive at worst.
🪞 The Real Problem?
They’re not resisting because they can’t post the financials.
They’re resisting because they don’t want you to see them.
Because inside those spreadsheets are:
- Legal bills
- And possibly that $22,000 “cafeteria” charge
🧠Final Thought:
In a functioning condo, asking for records doesn’t start a war.
It starts a reply that says, “Here you go.”
Until then, I’ll keep asking – calmly, legally, and with increasing amusement –
as Millicent digs in like a child hiding cookies behind her back,
and Daphne floats above it all like an air freshener with a salary.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
