Condo Chronicles

Ah, the dulcet tones of grudging common sense.
Even those residents who’d sooner eat glass than nod hello have begun to mutter the obvious:

“Look, I don’t even like you. But honestly? I don’t care how many dogs you have.
Why am I paying for this?”

An excellent question.
And as always, I direct them to the only appropriate source of this farce:

Ask Mildred and Blazer.

Because it certainly wasn’t me who cracked open the rule book and interpreted “pets” as a declaration of war.
It wasn’t me who thought the appropriate response to a service dog was a legal scorched-earth campaign.
And it wasn’t me who, after being roundly defeated at Tribunal, thought:

“Well, let’s double down. Surely the courts will be more sympathetic to nonsense in Latin.”

No – that level of strategic brilliance belongs to:

• Mildred, our community’s self-appointed Minister of Dog Control, armed with decades of experience in passive aggression and petty memos.
• And Blazer, legal tactician extraordinaire, whose qualifications include a fondness for the sound of his own litigation and a firm belief that accountability is a form of communism.

Blazer’s motto, I believe, is embroidered somewhere in his office:

“Why take responsibility when you can take legal action?”

So if you’re wondering why your condo fees are being redirected from basic maintenance to courtroom cosplay,
why your walls remain the colour of despair circa 2004,
and why your landscaping budget now consists of one wilting shrub and a roll of hope –
do ask Mildred and Blazer.

Ask them why dogs are apparently more dangerous than corporate overreach.
Ask them why transparency is viewed as subversive.
Ask them how it feels to lose repeatedly and still behave as though they’re protecting the realm.

And while you’re at it, ask yourself:

If this is what they’re like over a dog…
What happens when the stakes are higher?

🐕 Meanwhile, I’ll be over here. Walking the dog(s). And apparently funding legal education for the board – one ruling at a time.

You’re welcome.

Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.