Welcome back to the thrilling world of “board discretion” – a magical phrase that means the rules absolutely apply, except when they don’t, depending on:
- who you are,
- who you know,
- and how often you play bridge with Mildred.
Let’s review just a few of the many heartwarming ways this sacred discretion plays out:
🗣️ Case Study 1: Mildred’s Bestie Screams at a Resident
The scene: lobby, mid-afternoon.
The aggressor: Mildred’s longtime friend – a charming gentleman who regularly treats neighbours like they’re auditioning for “Real Housewives: Parking Garage Edition.”
He screams. He swears. He turns redder than a beet in therapy.
The board’s response?
🕊️ “He’s just passionate.”
🔇 “We understand he was agitated.”
👮 “But why were you standing near him?”
📩 “Let’s talk about your tone in the email you sent afterward.”
Yes, the victim is blamed for triggering the outburst – by existing in the same postal code. Naturally.
🐍 Case Study 2: Bite Barker‘s Black Lab
In most democracies, discretion means careful judgment.
But in condo-land?
It means:
🎩 “We make it up as we go.”
👀 “We saw nothing.”
✍️ “Unless you annoyed us – then we saw more than it was.”
And nowhere is this legal improvisation more dazzling than in the curious case of Bite Barker – protector of lies, owner of a Labrador, and sudden amnesiac.
🦴 The Legend of Bite Barker
Once upon a time, a man named Bite Barker owned a large, glossy, bark-happy black lab.
A dog so clearly not under 20 pounds, it could have carried a small adult to safety.
In 2016, the condo rules were updated – and lo and behold, the weight restriction vanished.
Large dogs were suddenly allowed. Coincidence? Perhaps. But let’s just say that the timing conveniently aligned with Bite Barker’s growing affection for his canine companion.
Was the rule change made for him? We may never know.
But what we do know is that he had no issue with large dogs then.
🧠 Fast Forward: Memory Loss Achieved
Years later, a resident arrives – with a lab mix.
A sweet, calm service animal, trained and documented.
What does Bite Barker say?
❗ “The rules say only small dogs are allowed.”
🐍 “It’s always been that way.”
😇 “I’m just trying to maintain order.”
Order? From the man whose dog once ran laps in the hallway like it was Westminster?
Suddenly, he’s the Enforcer of the Sacred Scroll, conveniently forgetting the very rule that once made his own dog legal.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
