There comes a moment in every collapsing regime when the last reasonable voice quietly gathers its things, tiptoes past the throne, and exits through the fire escape. Dignity intact. Sanity frayed. Hallways still dark.
Enter Douglas Hopewell – board member, accidental dissident, and third-floor lightbulb sympathizer. A man who dared to dream of brighter corridors, civil discourse, and perhaps (gasp!) treating unit owners like human beings.
Oh, Doug. You poor, radiant fool.
His resignation letter – written with the disappointment of a dad who just wanted to fix the bloody hallway light – peels back the curtain on the tragicomedy unfolding inside Castle Mildred.
đŤ A Gentleman Amongst Gargoyles
Letâs be clear: Doug didnât request a private spa, a golden lift, or a moat filled with crocodiles (though one suspects Mildred wouldâve approved that). He asked – brace yourselves – for brighter lightbulbs.
Yes. Bulbs. The small glowing orbs that help people see where theyâre going and not perish in condo stairwells.
Naturally, this proved too radical for the Crown.
âIt still breaks my heart that I couldnât help this unit owner with such a small request.â
– Douglas Hopewell
Denied. By decree of Queen Mildred the Obdurate, Keeper of Shadows and Destroyer of 40-Watt Dreams.
đ Mildred the Merciless
Doug tried. He spoke up. He reasoned. He brought ideas. And this, dear reader, was his fatal error.
You see, under the Mildred Doctrine, any whiff of logic is swiftly excommunicated. Emotion? Banished. Inclusion? Heresy. Accessibility? Treason.
Article I: âThou shalt not propose anything mildly useful or moderately humane.â
Leadership here isnât about governing. Itâs about sulking in vintage curtains while defending decrepit policies like theyâre heirlooms from the Habsburg Empire.
And resale value? Thatâs just a colonial concept, apparently. In the Kingdom of Mildred, property values must decline with the same dignity as a sinking ship.
đľď¸ââď¸ Check the Candidates. And Your Sanity.
Doug ends his farewell with a gentle plea to owners: do your homework before re-electing these civic termites.
But letâs be honest – if you need reminding not to vote for someone who thinks âbrighter lightbulbsâ are part of a woke agenda, then perhaps you deserve the ambiance.
Letâs rephrase Dougâs advice with slightly more accuracy:
âStop electing people who treat governance like a personal grudge match and view light as a liberal conspiracy.â
đââď¸ Exit Stage Left (Torch in Hand)
Farewell, Doug. You were too kind for this court of clowns. Go now to a condo where diversity isnât a threat, transparency isnât a typo, and hallways donât require spelunking gear.
Meanwhile, the rest of us remain loyal subjects in Mildredâs Dim-Lit Dynasty, where the crown is heavy, the policies medieval, and the only thing darker than the corridors⌠is the future.
đĄ Postscript: The Glow of Vindication
Oh, and one final flicker of ironyâŚ
Exactly one week after Douglas published his open letter calling out Queen Mildred and her Court of Perpetual Gloom, something miraculous occurred:
New lightbulbs were installed.
So while the regime remains firmly seated – crown crooked, candle in hand – at least now you can see it in slightly better lighting.
Thank you, Douglas!
For your service, your exit⌠and your illumination.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
