If you ever wondered what happens when petty grudges and bad math get elected to a condo board – look no further than Bite Barker’s Garage Roof Adventure.
It was a Thursday evening, the board meeting was dragging into its third hour, and Bite Barker had one thing on his mind: the garage roof.
Not all of it, mind you. Just two leaking spots. One of which – and this is where things get real Freudian – happens to be directly above the parking space of his ex-wife.
Coincidence? Maybe. But what’s not a coincidence is that Barker proposed accelerating the garage repair project by several years and funding it with a high-interest loan, pushing our condo fees into the stratosphere so we could patch two concrete blemishes and, oh yes, make sure she parked dry.
Yes, that’s right. Instead of letting the garage project proceed in its logical, budgeted place, Barker proposed debt-financing a 1.5 million-dollar vanity repair. The board, ever dutiful in spending other people’s money, barely blinked.
🎤 The Meeting Moment
But then came my question. Just one. Just a little factual pebble lobbed into Barker’s ego pool:
“Isn’t one of the leaking spots above your wife’s parking space?”
And suddenly, Bite Barker turned into a wounded chihuahua.
“Ex-wife!” he snapped, as if saying the word excused everything.
“You can’t say that! You owe me an apology!”
Sorry, Bite. I don’t apologize for asking why we’re bankrupting the building to waterproof a divorce subplot. I didn’t retract the question then. I won’t retract it now. The facts stand, even if your ego doesn’t.
🧾 The Real Story
Let’s be clear:
âś… The garage leaks in two spots.
âś… We already had a long-term plan to repair it.
✅ The board didn’t want to wait.
âś… Barker wanted a loan – at painful interest – to fix a problem whose urgency just happened to align with his ex’s parking space.
đź’¬ Final Thought
If only we approached actual community needs – like accessibility, transparency, or basic financial discipline – with the same desperation Bite Barker showed for that garage slab.
Until then, the message is clear:
You’re not allowed to hand out flyers… but you can apparently hand out public funds to settle old scores.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
