There are few constants in condo life: elevator delays, mysteriously high legal bills, and Bite Barker discovering a new āviolationā every time he misplaces his sense of relevance.
It started with barking. Allegedly excessive. Wildly disruptive. Though no one ever heard it – not even during Barkerās extensive eavesdropping sessions in the hallway with his ear pressed against my door like a cartoon detective with tenure.
Then came the doubt about my disability – because if youāre not visibly weeping or in a wheelchair 24/7, clearly you must be faking it. Medical documentation? Irrelevant. Human rights? Optional, apparently.
And now? Drumroll, pleaseā¦ š„
The Washer/Dryer Chronicles.
Thatās right. In Bite Barkerās ever-expanding novella of paranoia, Iāve allegedly installed a clandestine washer/dryer unit in my suite – presumably smuggled in past security in a violin case and now spinning full loads of oppression.
Never mind that no one has ever seen this mythical appliance. Never mind that no notice of entry was issued. Never mind that facts, evidence, or decency have long since exited stage left in Barkerās drama. When youāre losing the argument on barking and disability, why not pivot to laundry?
Whatās next, Bite?
Will you accuse me of harboring a raccoon? Operating a secret disco? Running a money laundering ring through Tide Pods?
At this point, we can only guess. But one thing is certain:
When facts dry up, Bite spins.
Stay tuned. Same Bite time. Same Bite channel.
š§ CondoTribune.com ā Where we publish what the board buries and mock what they pretend was “due process.”
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion.Ā Read full disclaimer.
