Subtitle: When recovering from surgery means showering in exile – because the ceiling was dry but the ego was dripping.
So, the plumbers came.
Twice.
Found no leak.
Still, Bite Barker continued his campaign of aquatic hysteria.
And me?
Fresh out of surgery, bandaged and exhausted, simply trying to exist with dignity and a functioning shower.
But when I picked up my towel that day, I heard it.
From below.
The roar of Bite Barker.
Not a knock.
Not a conversation.
A full-volume eruption from a man so determined to control other people’s bathrooms, I’m surprised he hasn’t installed cameras in the pipes.
🧠 The Calculation:
- Shower upstairs and trigger another tantrum from Captain Moisture?
- Or go downstairs to the sauna – surgical wound, fatigue and all – just to avoid another episode of Bite & Fury?
I chose peace over plumbing.
I took my shampoo.
I took my limp.
And I took the damn stairs.
🎭 The Absurdity?
The ceiling? Still dry.
The pipes? Still fine.
The complaint? Still unsubstantiated.
But the volume of Bite Barker’s voice?
Exponential.
This wasn’t about water. It never was.
It was about control.
And the satisfaction of watching someone struggle, then calling it “compliance.”
🪞 A Question for the Readers:
Have you ever been so exhausted, so depleted, so sick of the politics of plumbing that you just… gave in?
Not because you were wrong.
But because you didn’t have the energy to correct another lunatic?
Then you, too, may be a resident of Blenvale.
🔮 Next Week:
“Hydraulic Oppression: How My Humidifier Was Accused of Emotional Vandalism”
(And why Bite Barker now carries a decibel meter “for community protection.”)
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
