Because nothing says âwelcome homeâ like unsolicited plumbing accusations.
So youâve just moved in. Youâre unpacking, adjusting, maybe trying to locate the dishwasher manual. Meanwhile, in the unit below, Bite Barker has detected… a drip.
Not a leak. Not a puddle. Not a flood.
A drip.
Audible only to those with special grievance-enhanced hearing.
đ§ Phase 1: The First Summoning of the Plumbers
He complains. Loudly.
The plumbers arrive. Tools out. Ceilings inspected. Floors checked.
No leak found. Just echoes in Barkerâs brain.
Naturally, this was unacceptable. He is the President, after all…….
đ Phase 2: Try Again, Until It’s a Shower
Barker complains again. This time, heâs confident the drip is emotional in nature – possibly originating from my intentions.
Plumbers return. Shrug. Fiddle with a pipe. Declare, “Maybe it’s the shower.”
A revelation! A breakthrough! A chance for the building to reassert its dominance.
đ©âđ§ Enter: Prudence Voyeur-Smythe
I inform our dear Prudence that we – like grown adults – will simply replace our own shower.
Her reply was swift. Absolute. Loony.
âYou are not allowed to do that. Only the corporationâs plumber may touch your shower.â
Because, of course, the showerhead is now a common element of moral control. Spoiler: it is not a common element; it is yours to change it whenever the mood strikes.
And any attempt at autonomy is a direct threat to the plumbing-industrial complex.
đŹ My Response?
Naturally, I pushed back. Because no one needs a permission slip to fix a leaky faucet, much less an alleged one.
And now I ask:
đ How many of you were in this exact position?
- Accused of creating moisture?
- Denied the right to fix your own bathroom?
- Lectured about showers by a woman whoâs more interested in your walls than your wellbeing?
At Blenvale, everything is a battle:
- A dripping pipe? Criminal negligence.
- Fixing it yourself? Unauthorized construction.
- Asking questions? Witchcraft.
đ§Ÿ Final Splash
The irony?
No one ever found conclusive proof of this so-called leak.
But Barker got his plumber visit.
Prudence got her denial email.
And I got a crash course in weaponized water droplets.
Stay tuned for next weekâs episode:
âYour Toilet Flushed Too Loudly at 7:01 AM – A Violation of Peace.â
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
