Subtitle: Because nothing screams “beach season” like a legal threat.
The sun is out, the courtrooms are air-conditioned, and Blenvale’s board is still allergic to common sense.
Whether you’re poolside, BBQing, or hiding from your condo president, this year’s SueMore BillMore Summer Special has everything a governance-obsessed micromanager could possibly weaponize.
🛍️ This Season’s Essentials:
1. The Cease & Desist 5-Pack™ – Now in Waterproof Edition
Ideal for pool rules, hallway greetings, and any unsolicited neighborly joy.
Pre-loaded with the phrases:
- “Your tone is concerning”
- “We’ve consulted legal”
- “This will be addressed formally”
2. Redaction Marker in ‘Guilt Black – Heat-Resistant’
Still the best for hiding inconvenient facts – now with UV protection!
Won’t melt under scrutiny, just like your board.
3. Mini Gavel for Beach Use™
Great for impromptu rule enforcement on the sand.
Lightweight. Loud. Legally useless but emotionally satisfying.
4. Condo Governance SPF 5000+
Protects sensitive board members from transparency, questions, and any mention of the Condominium Act.
Now available in aerosol for quick application during awkward AGMs.
5. “Ask Legal” Pool Floats
Sit back and relax while doing absolutely nothing – just like the board.
Every float comes with a QR code linking to $450/hour opinions on whether Rule 7.08 applies to sunscreen.
💡 Bonus Extras:
- Frozen Proxies on a Stick™ – signed in January, defrosted as needed
- Mildred’s Summer Reading List:
How to Redact a Budget and Other Fairy Tales - Boardroom Flip-Flops: Because every decision changes by next week
🍹 Poolside Fine Print:
No questions answered.
No records disclosed.
All sales final – unless you win at CAT, in which case we’ll appeal with someone else’s money.
🪞Final Thought:
This summer, treat yourself to the full Blenvale experience:
- Paranoia,
- Paperwork,
- And paid silence.
Because at SueMore BillMore, due process is a luxury item – and you’re paying for it.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
