A Press Release from Blenvale’s Department of Magical Thinking
FOR IMMEDIATE DENIAL
Issued by the Board of Directors of Blenvale
In response to the latest legal decision affirming what the previous ruling already established – namely, that the Corporation violated the law – the Board of Blenvale would like to clarify its position:
We strongly disagree with gravity.
Yes, we understand that multiple judges, tribunals, and that annoying thing called evidence have weighed in.
But we’ve conducted our own investigation – featuring:
- An email thread,
- A three-minute YouTube video, and
- A private consultation with Gary from the hardware store, who “knows a lot about these things.”
And the results are conclusive:
We’re still right.
đź”® In Defiance of All Known Laws – Including Physics
We acknowledge that:
- The CAT ruled against us.
- The Divisional Court affirmed that ruling.
- Then three more judges politely but firmly told us to stop.
But we’ve decided to chart a new path. One where:
- Legal rulings are merely “opinions.”
- Compliance is optional.
- And reality can be overruled by our collective vibe.
As our astrologer, Crystal Moonbeam, recently confirmed:
“Mercury was in retrograde when the tribunal ruled, so it doesn’t count.”
🪞 A Word on Precedent
Precedent is for people who lose graciously.
We prefer to lose repeatedly and loudly – and then claim the high ground while falling off it.
We don’t follow precedent. We disagree with it.
And, when necessary, we bill the owners for the privilege of disagreeing.
đź’¸ Legal Strategy: Now with More Vibes, Less Law
Our next appeal will be based on:
- A misunderstood by-law from 1998
- A paragraph from a redacted report
- And the fact that the applicant didn’t smile at Mildred during Bingo
We are advised this is a strong case, mostly by the same lawyers who lost the last one.
✉️ Closing Statement
We want to assure all owners that we take this matter seriously – seriously enough to reject all known facts and double down with your money.
Because here at Blenvale, we don’t follow the law.
We interpret it. Emotionally.
Signed,
Your Board of Directors
Department of Interpretive Governance
“We Don’t Obey. We Reframe.”
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
