A Tribute to the Man Who Thinks He Knows More Than Every Doctor You’ve Ever Seen
Some lawyers quote jurisprudence.
Some cite case law.
And then there’s this guy – a legal threat machine who weaponized Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V and sent you a series of copy-pasted ultimatums so condescending they should’ve come with footnotes from “Legal Threats for Dummies.”
His thesis, repeated in bold, italics, underlined and possibly tattooed on his lower back:
“The Human Rights Code accommodates needs, not preferences.”
Ah yes. The great philosophical divide between “need” and “preference.”
What a bold stance. So fresh. So original. So deeply wrong.
đź’ˇ According to Him:
- A licensed doctor with 25+ years of experience?
Just enabling your preferences. - A diagnosis? Merely a suggestion.
- A service dog prescribed by a specialist.
Clearly a fashion statement. - Federal training standards?
Cute, but irrelevant. After all, he’s a lawyer – and apparently also moonlights as a neurologist, psychiatrist, audiologist, and dog behaviorist.
đź› Suggested Tools from His Legal Toolkit:
- One broken understanding of the Human Rights Code
- A mail merge template titled “Threatening But Not Too Illegal”
- A dictionary that defines “preference” as “anything I don’t personally struggle with”
- Absolutely no comprehension of disability accommodation jurisprudence since 1997
🎠Dramatic Reenactment
Doctor:
“This patient requires the assistance of a service dog.”
Lawyer:
“Ah, but is it a need… or just a really intense vibe?”
Doctor:
“…It’s a clinical prescription.”
Lawyer:
“Objection. Sounds like a preference with a degree attached.”
🧠Bonus Wisdom from the Same Guy:
- “People with real disabilities don’t ask for dogs.”
- “If you were truly disabled, you wouldn’t be so articulate.”
- “Needing accommodation is fine – wanting it is tyranny.”
- “We’re not saying no… we’re just saying no until you stop asking.”
📬 Every Letter Felt Like:
“Dear Owner,
Your medical needs have been reviewed by our Legal Vibes Committee™.
Based on zero training and a deep personal discomfort with disability rights, we’ve determined that what you experience as medical necessity is actually an elaborate lifestyle choice.
Kindly cease requesting things we are legally required to provide.
Yours in condescension,
The Ministry of Preferences Enforcement”
🧾 The Real Law (In Case He’s Reading This, Hi 👋):
The Human Rights Code protects needs that are medically supported, whether or not they fit your personal comfort zone.
Accommodation isn’t about what makes the board feel warm and fuzzy.
It’s about ensuring people with disabilities can live with dignity, not toleration.
Newsflash:
Doctors don’t issue letters for fun.
They don’t say “requires accommodation” because they’re indulging a whim.
They say it because it’s the law.
🧯Final Thought:
He thought he was delivering legal wisdom.
What he actually delivered was a masterclass in ableist gaslighting, dressed up in Times New Roman and veiled threats.
Next time, save the postage.
If your legal opinion contradicts five doctors and a tribunal,
it’s not an argument – it’s an expensive way to say “I don’t understand human rights.”
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
