Harassment by Email Thread, Missing Phones, and One Very Chill Dog
One fine afternoon in Condo Kingdom Blenvale, a man moved into a corporation-owned unit with a big dog.
Not a rabid wolf.
Not a barking menace.
Just a sweet, silent, impeccably behaved gentle giant – frankly, better mannered than the board on any given day ending in “Y.”
Naturally, this display of peaceful coexistence caused an immediate board-wide panic.
Enter Lady Gwendolyn – moral panic on standby.
She spotted the canine and did what any well-balanced board member would do:
She fired off an email to her fellow directors, reporting the incident like she’d witnessed an unauthorized bear entering the premises.
“I saw a man with a big dog entering the unit. Unfortunately, I forgot my phone in the unit and couldn’t take a picture.”
Yes.
Because the only thing standing between this man and a full tribunal hearing was Lady Gwendolyn’s tragically forgotten phone.
One can only imagine the anguish.
A moment of silence for the missed photo-op.
🕵️♀️ The Investigation (Minus One Witness)
Now, you’d assume a matter like this – involving a potential violation of someone’s rights – would warrant transparency.
But no.
Lady Gwendolyn sent the email to every board member…
except one.
Guess who? That’s right.
Me.
Why?
Because after the board’s spectacular, legally affirmed failure in harassing me because of my service dogs,
they knew – with absolute certainty – that I’d be a problem.
A “problem,” of course, meaning:
🐾 I read the law
🐾 I ask questions
🐾 I don’t condone stalking tenants and making up rules as you go
So yes. I was deliberately excluded from a board communication about board business –
because I had the nerve to oppose harassment disguised as policy.
🫖 Enter: Daphne
But alas, Lady Gwendolyn’s secret email circle had a leak.
Daphne, who was covering for the ever-absent Millicent (presumably off redacting documents or burning sage), realized what was going on and did the unthinkable:
She added me back to the thread.
Because – and this may shock our board members – excluding a director from official business is harassment.
❓And Then I Asked the Obvious Questions:
🐾 “Why is this tenant being singled out?”
🐾 “What makes his dog different from the many other large dogs here?”
🐾 “This building allows pets — so what exactly is the problem?”
🐾 “Is it just that you thought he looked too relaxed and had to be punished?”
🐾 “And if you don’t believe me, maybe check with your lawyer before you send the surveillance drones?”
Silence.
Immediate silence.
Like someone had unplugged the board.
No follow-up emails.
No photoshoots.
No impromptu neighbourhood watch patrols.
Just… stillness.
And the sweet sound of a well-behaved dog going for a walk
without being interrogated by the Condo Inquisition.
🧠 Final Thought:
If your first instinct as a board member is to exclude the one person who understands the law, target a tenant who hasn’t broken any rules, and wish aloud that you’d taken a photo of his dog like it’s some tabloid exposé – you’re not running a condo.
You’re starring in a very sad spin-off of Desperate Housewives: By-Law Edition.
And truthfully?
🐾 I did it because it was right. Because no one deserves to be targeted for simply existing with a dog in a pet-friendly building.
If only someone had done the same for me when I was the one being hunted down like a walking by-law violation.
But they didn’t.
So, I did it for someone else.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
