Tipped off by Stan – loyal foot soldier, part-time snitch, full-time busybody – Mildred took matters into her own hands.
She knew I wouldn’t knock on her door.
That would require a level of masochism I reserve for reading their affidavits.
So, what did she do?
She went into her friend’s unit. Sat inside. And waited.
Yes. The President of the Board literally staged a flyer stakeout from someone else’s living room.
Because nothing says “leadership” like hiding behind curtains with binoculars and a grudge.
Now, I can’t say for certain whether she encouraged what happened next…
But what happened next?
The same elderly man who shook his fist at me during the AGM – stormed to the door and swore at me.
Not whispered.
Not sighed with disappointment.
Swore. At. Me.
For handing out information to fellow owners.
About decisions that directly affect them and their money. The irony…
And what did Mildred do – the President – when her friend went full AGM rage mode?
Absolutely nothing.
No intervention.
No “that’s not appropriate.”
Not even a staged gasp.
Because in Mildred’s world, this is governance:
If you can’t silence someone, get someone else to open the door and yell at them for you.
But wait.
It gets better.
Because in Mildred’s world, if you’re going to weaponize a stakeout, you might as well put it in writing.
And she did.
After the incident, Mildred proudly emailed the board, recounting her little reconnaissance mission in full detail.
She explained how she had been “tipped off” by a loyal supporter (we’ll call him Stan).
She told them she knew I was distributing flyers.
She told them she knew I wouldn’t knock on her door.
So she marched into her friend’s unit and waited for me.
Yes, you read that right.
She not only staged the ambush – she published the tactical plan after the fact, as if she expected a standing ovation and a cookie.
🧓 Enter Doug, the Last Flicker of Reason
But our dear Doug – sweet, sensible, chronically patient Doug – called her out.
He replied to her email and said what any adult with a functioning moral compass would say:
“This behaviour is inappropriate. It’s not how a board president should act.”
And Mildred?
Faced with the email she herself wrote?
She pivoted.
Suddenly, she wasn’t waiting for me.
No, no – she was just there out of concern.
She claimed she happened to be visiting the unit because the gentleman was “unwell.”
Purely coincidental. Nothing to see here. Just a civic-minded neighbour dropping in at the exact moment I was expected.
Naturally, Doug – having both eyes, a memory and a brain –called out the lie.
He pointed to her own words.
The ones where she literally said she was tipped off and went there to intercept me.
And that, dear reader, is when it happened.
Millicent – boardroom guard dog, defender of all things indefensible – leapt at Doug’s throat.
No, not literally. (Although the optics would have been incredible.)
She accused him of…
wait for it… harassment.
Yes.
Mildred sits in someone else’s unit, stages a confrontation, lets an angry man swear at me, brags about it in writing, lies when called out, and when someone dares to point out that this is not okay?
They’re the problem.
🧠Final Thought:
If your board president has time to sit in ambush in someone else’s unit…but no time to tell owners where their money went,
you don’t have a board.
You have a clubhouse of spite and surveillance.
And if she’s too cowardly to knock on a door herself,
but bold enough to let someone else swear in her place…
well.
That’s not leadership.
That’s just cowardice in cardigans.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
