“We don’t know what we don’t know,” he said. Again. And again. And again.
Enter AI. No ties, no ego, no $550-an-hour fees to redact the truth.
Let’s face it: if your only legal strategy is to repeat a vague philosophical riddle and invoice for 6.2 hours, your days are numbered. AI doesn’t need lunch breaks, LinkedIn self-congratulations, or the emotional validation of quoting outdated case law to three bored judges.
Imagine a world where:
- 🧠 AI reads your file before the hearing.
- 💡 AI knows the Condo Act better than the condo lawyer whose favourite clause is “I refer you to my earlier correspondence.”
- 🤖 AI doesn’t bill you for reviewing its own calendar invite.
- 🧾 AI doesn’t accidentally forget to serve documents, redact things that aren’t confidential, or argue that dogs under 20 pounds have more legal standing than disabled people.
And when asked a direct question – like, say, “Why did you advise your client to go on appeal if you recognized the support animal in January 2023?” – AI doesn’t flinch, deflect, or “not recall.” It answers. Promptly. Accurately. Without 17 footnotes about “procedural fairness.”
The lawyers aren’t worried, of course. They’re busy applauding one another’s LinkedIn posts about access to justice – while filing their fifth motion to strike your affidavit.
Brace yourselves, legal profession. The robot doesn’t need a retainer – and it won’t forget which side it’s on.
“I, for one, welcome our new AI overlords – especially if they replace lawyers. At least the robot won’t circle back, redact the truth, or bill you for reading your own email. Sharks have better ethics.”
Or, if you’re posting on CondoTribune.com:
Let the AI take over. It may lack emotion, but at least it won’t fake indignation while invoicing you for $300,000 in procedural ambiguity. Replacing lawyers with machines? Finally, justice without the jawline of a shark.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
