It was a moment of collective grief.
The halls echoed with despair.
Eyes misted over.
Voices cracked.
No, not because the board lost an appeal and squandered $300,000 of our money.
Because… the cleaner left.
🎻 Mourning in Microfiber
Residents wailed (quietly, of course, from behind their door frames).
“She was such a nice woman,”
“Always said hello, except when she didn’t.”
“She once gave my dog a treat- and then reported us for leash violations.”
“Who will fake-smile at us now, Mildred?”
“Honestly, I’ll miss pretending to like her.”
Meanwhile, I posted a flyer about the board’s appeal loss. The community reaction?
🙄 “Ugh. She’s gloating again.”
🧾 Reality Check: What Did We Actually Lose?
Let’s compare:
| What We Lost | Replaceability | Cost | Community Reaction |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cleaner | ✅ Easily hired | 💲 Low | 😭 “UNFORGIVABLE.” |
| $300,000 in legal spending | ❌ Gone forever, could have replaced our boilers | 💲💲💲💲💲 | 😐 “Oh. Whatever.” |
In other words:
A cleaner, easily replaced, inspired Shakespearean levels of sorrow.
But reckless spending of your reserve and operating funds?
No tears. No questions. No decency.
🧼 And Guess What?
We now have a new cleaner.
He’s respectful. Quiet. Doesn’t gossip.
And shockingly, he still knows how to operate a mop without filing a requisition form.
Tragedy averted.
Now if only we could replace the board half as efficiently.
📣 Final Note
To the residents clutching tissues over a staff transition while remaining stone-faced about gross financial mismanagement:
Your emotional compass needs recalibration.
Preferably before the next special assessment hits.
In the meantime, feel free to send your condolences to:
“Lost sense of priorities, c/o Blenvale Boardroom.”
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
