“Why did they spend $178,000 on the garage stairwell?”
“Does anyone even use it?”
“I think my cousin’s dog’s groomer went down there once.”
Ah yes, the Blenvale Lobby Circle – where outrage is served lukewarm and action is always “someone else’s job.”
🫣 Here’s the thing, dear residents: If whispering behind ficus plants could restore a reserve fund, we’d be richer than the Royal York. But alas, your collective gasp doesn’t pay invoices.
🧓 Mildred & Co.:
They’ll whisper for hours about the stairwell renovation but break into a full-body clench at the mere mention of a requisition meeting.
They’ll ask, “Didn’t we have a surplus once?” but couldn’t spot the operating statement if it was taped to their knitting bag.
Meanwhile, the board waltzes on, writing cheques with our money and announcing the fiscal apocalypse in 6pt font on a bulletin board no one reads.
📊 Let’s break it down, since whispering doesn’t do math:
- Cost of the garage stairwell project: $178,000
- Times you’ve used it: 0
- Times you’ve gossiped about it: 376
- Times you spoke up in writing or at a meeting: Bold of you to assume.
So the next time someone whispers,
“Well I heard…”
Pause.
Smile sweetly.
And respond,
“That’s fascinating, Susan. Did you also sign the requisition to ask where the money went?”
Spoiler: She didn’t.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
