In the mythos of Blenvale, Mildred has blessed us with a revelation: there is only one contractor who knows how much asphalt to pour.
Not because of engineering drawings. Not because of municipal guidelines. Not because of the well-documented industry standards that anyone with a laptop (or opposable thumbs) could look up.
No, no – because apparently asphalt application is some kind of occult art.
đł The Asphalt Chef
Apparently, this contractor has the exclusive recipe.
Two scoops of gravel, a pinch of tar, stir counter-clockwise under a waning moon – and voilĂ !
Only they can make the perfect Blenvale blend.
Any other contractor would either starve the pavement or drown it in hot mix, presumably causing the building to sink into the earth.
đ Reality Check
In the real world, asphalt thickness and quantity are determined by engineering specifications, municipal regulations, and standard paving practices.
Itâs not a âguess.â Itâs literally written down in black-and-white documents used every day by paving crews across Ontario.
Thereâs nothing secret about it – unless, of course, the âsecretâ is how much more the favoured contractor will be charging us.
đ§ Translation for Normal Humans
What this really means:
âWeâre giving the job to our favourite contractor and skipping competitive bids, so please stop asking annoying questions like âHow much will this cost?â or âWhy canât anyone else do it?ââ
đ Final Thought
If asphalt quantity is suddenly a guarded secret known only to one company, then I can only assume that tomorrow weâll be told thereâs a single mystical plumber who knows how much water should be in a toilet tank.
đȘ And YetâŠ
Despite believing asphalt measurements are an ancient trade secret passed down through a single chosen contractor, Mildred somehow still considers herself fully equipped to manage a multi-million-dollar condominium corporation.
What do you think? I think if your grasp of infrastructure is indistinguishable from a campfire ghost story, you probably shouldnât be in charge of spending millions of other peopleâs dollars.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
