Ah, Facebook – the place where people post vacation selfies, food pics, and… in Mildred’s case, apparently keep tabs on the people they’ve tried to destroy.
đź‘€ The Discovery
Now, I don’t really use Facebook much. My profile is about as active as the board’s conscience. So, imagine my surprise – no, my horror – when I discovered Mildred had followed me.
Yes. Mildred.
The very same Mildred who has caused me and my family more harm than a runaway cement mixer.
I blocked her immediately – but not before sending her a message letting her know exactly how violated I felt.
🧠The Gaslight Special
And what does Mildred do next?
Stops me in the street – as if we’re about to have some neighborly chit-chat – and says:
“Oh, I didn’t actually follow you.”
Reader, let that sink in.
She’s standing there denying it, while I have the screenshot. The same screenshot I later used in court.
🛒 Her “Following” List
The best part? Out of all the accounts Mildred follows, the list is basically:
- Costco
- Zehrs
- Local gas station promotions
- Me
I was the only human being she followed.
Sandwiched between bulk toilet paper deals and weekly flyer specials.
🏆 Gold Medal in Creepy
If stalking were an Olympic sport, Mildred would have taken gold for “Most Passive-Aggressive Use of the Follow Button.”
And the moral of the story?
You can delete posts, you can rewrite meeting minutes, you can even try to rewrite history – but screenshots? Screenshots are forever.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
