Ah, the internet trolls of our beloved building. Armed with half a Google search, a misplaced sense of authority, and the unwavering confidence of someone who once overheard a legal term at a dinner party, they descended upon the comments section of the Record article like moths to a porch light.
And oh, what gems they left us. Letās review their greatest hits. š¤
**1. āJust Get the Dogs Certified!ā šš
Because obviously, Ontario has a magical Service Dog Certification Drive-Thruā¢, right between the Tim Hortons and the gas station.
Just roll down the window:
āTwo large double-doubles, a chocolate dip, and a federally certified emotional support Labradoodle, please.ā
Reality check: Ontario law doesnāt require certification. But please, donāt let the actual legislation interfere with your Google PhD in Service Animal Sciences.
**2. āThese Are Just Emotional Support Animals!ā š¦š¹
Ah yes, thank you, Doctor Doolittle, for your expert diagnosis from the comments section.
Because obviously, if a regulated health professional prescribes an animal for a disability, it must be equivalent to someoneās cousinās hamster named Mr. Fluffball. Makes total sense.
Next up, theyāll be comparing insulin pumps to decorative Fitbits. Canāt wait.
**3. āSheās Dragging Everyone Through the Courts!ā āļøšø
Yes, because my secret hobby is single-handedly inflating your condo fees, and mine. And spending 45,000 dollars of my money to accomplish that. Your share 1,700, my share more than 50,000. “Miss Bosnia” I hope you realize how truly ridicule you are.
Forget the boardās refusal to accommodate,
forget the $300,000 they blew on avoidable litigation,
forget the judgeās findings – clearly, itās all me, cackling in my evil lair, stroking my unregistered, uncertified, uncredentialed, illegally fluffy service dog.
**4. āI Remember from a Few Years Backā¦ā šµļøāāļøš
And now, the Oscar for Best Performance in a Supporting Role as a āRandom Neutral Readerā goes toā¦ our 15th-floor historian, “Miss Bosnia”.
Her comment begins like every troll classic:
āI remember from a few years backā¦ā
Of course she does. She ājust remembersā the exact day I moved in, my household arrangements, my partner, and – wait for it – my partnerās alleged dog. All from casually skimming āan article or two.ā Amazing.
This level of āselective memoryā deserves its own Netflix special:
CSI: Condo – The 15th Floor Chronicles.
Letās be clear:
Calling my partner a āhousemateā says a lot more about you than it does about me. Thatās not an insult – thatās a diagnosis.
And hereās the kicker: while pretending to be a āneutral observer,ā she accidentally outs herself as someone living on the 15th floor of our building. So, not random. Not neutral. Not even subtle.
**5. The Google Scholars šš
And finally, the piĆØce de rĆ©sistance:
The trolls who quote random definitions from random websites as though theyāre Supreme Court rulings.
Please, enlighten us again, O Keepers of the Screenshot. Where were you when the Human Rights Tribunal, Ontario courts, and the AODA were being drafted?
Busy correcting Wikipedia entries on parrots, perhaps?
Final Thoughts
To the trolls: thank you for your service.
Without you, we wouldnāt have the endless entertainment of watching people confuse blog comments with case law. Keep Googling. Keep posting. Keep being confidently wrong in public.
Because every time you do, the rest of us get a little smarter – and you get immortalized right here, where you belong.
Condo Tribune: We read the laws so you donāt have to.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
