Where Grown Adults Reenact Teen Drama – With Your Money
Running a multi-million-dollar condominium corporation should require professionalism, financial literacy, and maybe the ability to read a balance sheet without crying.
Instead, we’ve ended up in Blenvale High – where our board spends less time managing budgets and more time managing grudges.
Forget governance. Forget fiduciary duty. This is Mean Girls meets Fawlty Towers – except the budget is real, and so are your fees.
🏆 The Cool Kids Table
Front and centre is Blazer – our self-declared “class president.”
- Special talent: delivering “important updates” that explain absolutely nothing.
- Loves phrases like “strategic vision” and “long-term planning” but breaks into hives when someone asks for an actual spreadsheet.
- Favourite line: “Trust us – we’ve got this.”
Translation: “We have no idea, but please stop asking.”
Next to him sits Mildred, queen of rules and hallway glares.
- Wields bylaws like cafeteria gossip: “You can’t sit here unless we approve you.”
- Calls herself a “policy expert” but can’t distinguish a special assessment from a bake sale invoice.
- Has weaponized sighing loudly whenever an owner asks about money.
And of course, Missy Muffet, the communications “guru.”
- Produces glossy newsletters that say absolutely nothing in three cheerful pages.
- Master of leafy distractions: “Don’t worry about the $135,000 special assessment – look at this photo of the newly painted lobby!”
- Thinks “transparency” means “telling you after we’ve already spent it.”
đź“š How Decisions Are Made at Blenvale High
It’s simple:
- Policies are decided in the hallway before the meeting.
- Votes are based on who’s in the clique, not what’s in the budget.
- Disagreements are resolved via classic high school tactics:
- Whisper campaigns
- Backroom alliances
- Silent treatment
- “Accidentally forgetting” to send someone an email
Meanwhile, owners are treated like the kids who eat lunch by the lockers – politely ignored until it’s time to hand over another cheque.
💸 Meanwhile, in the Real World…
While Blenvale High plays cafeteria politics:
- $3M projects without your input.
- $300,000+ in legal bills quietly disappear.
- $178K on stairs – that nobody climbs – are proudly reported as “strategic infrastructure improvements.”
- And your fees? Always on the rise.
It’s like paying private-school tuition to watch an amateur improv troupe pretend they’re accountants.
🎠Your Role in This Soap Opera
You can:
- Keep sitting quietly in the bleachers while the clique runs the cafeteria, or
- Vote in professionals – adults who understand budgets, policies, and governance instead of hallway politics.
Because right now, we’re stuck watching a reality show called:
“Keeping Up with the Blenvale Board”
Spoiler: It costs hundreds of thousands per season.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
