By CondoTribune Staff
Ah, the life of a Blenvale lumberjack. 🌲
Big plaid shirt. Bigger attitude. Smallest grasp of reality.
It begins with a flyer. A simple piece of paper.
A flyer containing facts – information about how our money vanishes faster than a squirrel on double espresso.
But to the Blenvale Lumberjack, this is an act of aggression.
He must act.
He must defend his sacred door mat.
And so, he writes a note:
“Stay away from me.”
Now, let’s pause here for a reality check.
Dear Lumberjack, I have never come close to you.
Not once.
Not even accidentally.
Frankly, if I wanted to talk to someone who learned economics from chopping wood, I’d visit a logging camp.
But alas, the Lumberjack fears information.
He fears facts.
He fears… literacy.
The Irony 🪵
If the flyer was of no interest to him, he could have:
- Thrown it in the recycling bin.
- Ignored it entirely.
- Or – radical idea – knocked politely on my door like a grown adult.
But no. The Lumberjack must leave a passive-aggressive warning, as though I were sneaking around the building plotting to steal his chainsaw.
A Simple Truth 🌲
Dear Lumberjack, I don’t want to “come near you.”
Not now. Not ever.
This isn’t personal – it’s self-preservation.
Because when someone responds to information with hostility, it usually says more about the size of their axe than the strength of their arguments.
Until then, I shall continue sharing facts, flyers, and updates —
because some of us prefer informed decisions over swinging blindly in the woods.
And here’s the other thing: under the Ontario Condominium Act, 1998 – specifically Section 46 – I have the legal right to share information of interest to the community with other owners at any time, not just during elections.
So no, I won’t “stay away” from the community, from the facts, or from keeping people informed.
You don’t have to read the flyers.
You don’t even have to like them.
But you don’t get to silence them.
Because some of us prefer informed decisions over swinging blindly in the woods.
Yours in perpetual disbelief,
CondoTribune
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
