Because silence has never been louder at Blenvale
Picture this: somewhere deep within Blenvale’s blackout-heavy board minutes, hidden beneath layers of legal redactions, there’s a mysterious “owner” still fighting the imaginary noise battle of the century. Who could it possibly be?
Well, it doesn’t take Sherlock Holmes, does it?
The “mystery owner” just so happens to be the only person who ever requested the secret noise study – a document so obscure that most owners don’t even know it exists. Coincidence? Please. 🕵️‍♀️
And now, the whispers suggest that Bite Barker’s ultimate goal isn’t peace and quiet at all. Oh no – it’s new floors. Yes, the theory goes that he’s trying to force the corporation to replace the original flooring in my unit.
Here’s the problem:
- There’s no law in Ontario requiring me to do that.
- Several other units have the exact same original flooring.
- Structural noise requirements? They don’t exist. Not here. Not anywhere in the Condominium Act or the Ontario Building Code.
But why let facts get in the way of a good persecution fantasy, right?
And the best part? It looks like our brilliant legal team finally caught on that there’s not much left to milk from the corporation’s coffers. Our guess? They’ve gently whispered to Bite Barker:
“You have no case.”
So now, we’re left with this tragic opera of imaginary footsteps, phantom echoes, and a relentless hero battling the sound of… absolutely nothing.
And when Bite Barker finally realized the lawyers weren’t backing him anymore? Oh, he was not pleased. He dramatically announced – wait for it – that he would contact his “legal representative.”
Because apparently, in Bite’s mind, he’s starring in The Godfather: Condo Edition. 🎩💼
Next episode: Bite Barker vs. the Hum of the Refrigerator.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
