🎩 Now You See It, Now You Don’t
Ladies and gentlemen, gather round. Our board and property manager have achieved something Hans Christian Andersen himself would envy: they’ve made an entire month vanish.
July’s financial statement? Never existed, you see. Quite like Cinderella’s coach at midnight – one moment a carriage, the next a pumpkin.
🧙 Blazer the Great Pretender and the Straw-to-Gold Trick
But don’t worry, the bills still get paid! Contractors smile, staff cash their cheques, and the lawyers – ah, the lawyers – still feast.
So what sorcery is this? Enter Blazer the Great Pretender: spinning fairy tales at a wheel and assuring us balance sheets can be conjured out of thin air. Gold from straw, nonsense from nothing.
😴 Sleeping Mildred
Meanwhile, Mildred stars as Sleeping Beauty. Eyes shut tight, slumbering blissfully atop a pile of unpaid invoices.
Whenever an owner dares to ask a question, she simply rolls over, pulls up the duvet, and drifts deeper into dreamland. Sweet dreams, accountability!
👑 The Emperor Gwendolyn
And who could forget Lady Gwendolyn? She takes centre stage in “The Emperor’s New Clothes.” She parades about declaring: “Transparency!”
We can all see perfectly well she’s naked of answers, yet the chorus of board loyalists clap anyway.
🪄 The Convenient Vanishing Portal
And just when the townhall loomed, behold another trick:
✨ The owner portal? Switched.
✨ The accounting system? Also switched.
All right before the meeting. A coincidence? As likely as the wicked stepmother “accidentally” smashing Cinderella’s glass slipper. Convenient sabotage, wrapped in shiny IT jargon.
📑 Labour and Printing Fees for… Breadcrumbs?
And then – insult to injury. I, who dared to ask for these documents, charged “labour” and “printing” for documents that exist in electronic format and need no redaction.
That’s like charging Hansel and Gretel for the breadcrumbs they never dropped.
🎭 Moral of the Fairy Tale
At a time when trust should be rebuilt, our board prefers the theatre of vanishing acts.
- Instead of transparency, we get smoke and mirrors.
- Instead of stewardship, we get bedtime stories.
- Instead of accountability, we get Blazer the Great Pretender, Sleeping Mildred, and the Emperor Gwendolyn.
One begins to wonder: if July can vanish without a trace, will August be spirited away next? By Christmas, perhaps the whole year will be locked in CN Tower – waiting for an owner brave enough to climb.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
