Condo Chronicles

Ah, the board. God love them. You’d swear we were married to them, the way they carry on. And not a good marriage either, no. This is the sort of marriage your mother warned you about, the kind where you wake up every morning wondering how you ended up chained to a liar with a hand in your pocket.

💋💔 The Cheating

They cheat on us with lawyers and contractors the way a drunk husband cheats with barmaids. Bold as brass, they don’t even bother to hide it. They come back smelling of betrayal, tie crooked, pockets lighter, and expect us to kiss them on the cheek and say nothing. And when caught? They sigh and say, “Sure it meant nothing, pet, you know you’re the only one.”

🤥 The Lies
If lying were an Olympic sport, our board would be draped in gold medals. They lie about the money, lie about the rules, lie about the minutes. And they lie so much they’ve forgotten the truth themselves. You ask for records, they tell you “The system ate them.” Aye, the system’s got a fine appetite for documents, hasn’t it?

🥃 The Drinking
They drink our money like it’s cheap whiskey. The reserve fund’s their pub tab, and they never leave the bar. Every invoice is another round. Every lawsuit, another bottle. And when the cupboard’s bare, do they sober up? Not at all. They just reach into our wallets and say, “You’ll cover this one, won’t you, love?”

💣 The Abuse

And if you dare to speak? If you dare to ask where the money’s gone, or why the rules apply to you but not them? They’ll turn on you faster than a drunk in a bad mood. You’re the mad one, the unreasonable one, the one who should be grateful they haven’t spent even more.

🏚 The Trap

Here’s the cruel joke: in a marriage this rotten, you’d go to the priest, you’d get it annulled. Or you’d see the judge and be free by Christmas. Not here. Oh no. Here you’re trapped. The deed’s in your name, the cheater’s got the house, and you’re stuck paying their bar tab for life.

👉 It’s not a partnership. It’s not even a marriage. It’s a sentence. And the wardens, God bless them, wear name tags that say Board of Directors.

Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.