Ah yes, gather round dear neighbours, for the latest bedtime story from Mildred the Legal Oracle and Blazer the Finance Wizard.
According to them, lawsuits are apparently conducted in a secret underground lair, guarded by dragons, where no mortal owner shall ever peek. Confidential scrolls! Sealed vaults! The Cone of Silence!
What nonsense.
🧙 Mildred the Keeper of Imaginary Secrets
Mildred whispers in her most dramatic voice:
“We cannot disclose anything, dear owners. It’s all terribly confidential!”
Meanwhile, in the real world, anyone with Wi-Fi and two thumbs can type the case number into CanLII and – voilĂ – there’s the judgment in black and white. But shhh, don’t tell Mildred. She thinks she’s safeguarding the Crown Jewels.
🧝 Blazer the Illusionist
Blazer, ever the performer, polishes his golden locks and says:
“Our hands are tied, friends. The court forbids us!”
No, Blazer. The court does not forbid you. The only thing tied here is your tongue in a knot of embarrassment. Because if you spoke plainly, everyone would see where you botched it and how much you spent to lose.
🤡 The Punchline
Here’s the truth: lawsuits are public. Open courtrooms. Published judgments. Nothing is locked away. The only “confidentiality” is the one Mildred and Blazer invented, because they’d rather hide their failures than face accountability.
So next time they invoke “the sacred rule of secrecy,” just smile politely and ask:
“Oh Mildred, oh Blazer – do you think we were all born yesterday?”
👉 In other words: the only thing they’re keeping under wraps is their own embarrassment.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
