🎠Episode 47 of “The Blenvale Follies”
Last night, dear neighbours, we gathered for what the agenda boldly proclaimed:
“Board to provide mid-year financial update.”
What we got instead?
A masterclass in numerical abstinence.
🧮 The Update Without Numbers
Picture this:
A room full of paying owners waiting for insight into where their money went.
The President clears his throat, gazes nobly into the void, and announces:
“I don’t have the numbers at my fingertips.”
Cue applause.
Because apparently, that’s the new definition of transparency.
💼 If This Were a Real Business…
Imagine attending a finance meeting at any actual company where the CFO walks in empty-handed and says:
“I don’t have the numbers, but trust me – everything’s fine.”
In the corporate world, that earns you a pink slip.
In Blenvale? It earns you another term on the board.
🔢 The Numbers We Didn’t Get
Here’s what we could have heard, in some alternate universe where competence exists:
- “Our YTD legal spend is $70,000.”
- “The reserve fund now qualifies as an endangered species.”
- “We ran an overdraft in March, but don’t worry, it’s only owners’ money.”
Instead, we got a chorus of “We’ll provide that later,” like a broken voicemail loop from 2023.
🪞 Reflections from the Finance Department
As someone who actually works in Finance, I have to say:
Calling something a financial update without showing numbers is like hosting a cooking show and refusing to turn on the stove.
You don’t get to hide behind “software transition” forever.
Even Excel on Windows 98 could manage a balance sheet.
🎬 Coming Soon:
The Great Spreadsheet Hunt – starring our elusive President, armed with a calculator he swears he left “somewhere in the system transition.”
Stay tuned, Blenvale.
The numbers may be missing, but the comedy writes itself.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
