(A parody in the spirit of Bridget Jones’s Diary – only instead of calories and cigarettes, we count overdrafts, lies, and missing financials.)
🕰️ 8:47 p.m. – The “Mid-Year Financial Update” That Wasn’t
Mood: teetering between disbelief and homicidal politeness
Resolutions:
1️⃣ Remain civil.
2️⃣ Fail gloriously at #1.
Calories: 1 herbal tea ☕, 3 passive-aggressive thoughts 💭, 2 eye rolls 🙄
Blazer, our fearless leader, opens the meeting. Announces he does not have the numbers at his fingertips.
Possible explanations:
- ❌ Lost fingers
- ❌ Lost numbers
- ✅ Never had either
Mildred nods like a bobblehead of misplaced confidence.
Lady Gwendolyn squints at her papers, possibly wondering if “balance sheet” is a yoga pose. 🧘♀️
💸 8:53 p.m. – The Overdraft That Dared Not Speak Its Name
Resident (clearly literate) asks:
“If the bank account isn’t in overdraft, why is it in brackets?”
Silence. Somewhere, an Excel cell cries softly. 📉
Bully Boop, Queen of Euphemism, finally declares:
“It’s not overdraft; it’s temporarily negative.”
Right. And the Titanic was just experimenting with submersion. 🚢💦
📚 9:02 p.m. – The Fluorescent Authority Enlightens Us
Enter Fluorescent Authority, glowing vest and all, waving The Condominium Act like it’s a backstage pass to reason.
Interrupts anyone with an IQ above room temperature.
Misquotes section 23, then 37, then possibly a bus schedule. 🚌
Board nods in reverence – democracy dies quietly in the corner. ⚰️
🧮 9:30 p.m. – Adjournment by Absurdity
Meeting ends.
No numbers, no answers, only smug satisfaction and moral decay.
Neighbour whispers, “At least they’re volunteers.”
Yes – and so was the iceberg. ❄️
🪞 Epilogue – Bridget Jones Would Understand
Bridget had men who ghosted her.
We have boards who ghost transparency.
At least hers occasionally brought wine. 🍷
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
