A Blenvale Tragedy in Three Acts
🎭 Act I: The Great Gathering
They called it a “Mid-Year Financial Update.”
We showed up expecting – oh, I don’t know – numbers?
But no, that would be too radical.
Instead, we got an interpretive dance in incompetence.
Blank faces. Empty charts.
Mildred squinting like numbers might materialize through sheer boredom.
Blazer pretending to “flip pages” of the reserve fund he never read.
Lady Gwendolyn nodding in slow motion, as if agreement alone creates revenue.
🚦 Act II: The Crossing Guard of Ignorance
Then she spoke.
The woman whose only contribution to civic life is yelling “STOP!”
And – true to form – she stopped the conversation dead.
She announced, with all the confidence of a brick,
that our flyers and blogs are “opinions, not facts.”
Oh, really?
Because apparently in Blenvale,
a 2-page audited statement, and a cashflow forecast
turn into “opinions” the moment we publish them.
📊 Act III: Facts vs. Fools
Let’s be clear:
We understand basic accounting.
We know what “overdraft” means.
We know what happens when you borrow from the reserve to pay your lawyers.
We can read a financial statement without confusing it with a coloring book.
But the board?
They held a financial meeting without numbers,
a discussion about transparency without disclosure,
and a Q&A without a single A.
💀 Blenvale logic: If you don’t understand it, it must be an opinion.
Because nothing scares fools like arithmetic.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
