A masterclass in mediocrity, brought to you by the Blenvale Institute of Mismanagement Studies
🪞 Step 1: Develop Selective Hearing
This is the cornerstone of Blenvale leadership.
When an owner speaks about missing funds, construction defects, or harassment – simply stare into the distance like you’re receiving divine guidance from the God of Denial.
Advanced technique: nod meaningfully, jot something down on a blank piece of paper, and then never mention it again.
Bonus tip: Always have an air of moral superiority – because nothing says “qualified director” like ignoring problems while clutching a coffee cup labeled “World’s Best Volunteer.”
🔒 Step 2: Master the Art of Saying “We Can’t Discuss That”
Your catchphrase is your shield.
When transparency threatens to sneak into the conversation, raise your hand and recite the sacred incantation:
“We can’t discuss that. It’s confidential.”
You can apply this phrase to literally anything – from budget overruns to why the stairwell cost $178,000.
Confidentiality is not a principle here – it’s a lifestyle choice.
If someone quotes the Condominium Act? Smile condescendingly and say,
“We’re guided by legal advice.”
(Legal advice, of course, being the invisible friend who approves all your bad ideas.)
🧾 Step 3: Blame the Victim
Ah, the Blenvale mantra. When things go wrong – and they always do – make sure the narrative points away from you.
Was someone harassed? They were “too sensitive.”
Was a rule violated? They were “combative.”
Was the board caught lying? They were “misunderstood.”
Remember: in Blenvale logic, accountability is harassment and gaslighting is governance.
Advanced move: gather a few loyal followers (preferably ones who clap before thinking) and call it “community support.” It’s cheaper than therapy and more effective than evidence.
🏆 Final Exam: The Pledge of Perpetual Ignorance
At the end of your training, stand before the mirror and repeat:
“I will uphold confusion, silence dissent, and spend with conviction.”
“I will never read the minutes I approve.”
“And above all, I will ensure that truth never interferes with process.”
Congratulations – you are now a certified Blenvale Board Member.
Your diploma includes unlimited access to arrogance, plausible deniability, and the Condo Corporation’s bank account.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
