A Tale of Nonsense, Nattering & Neighbourly Ignorance
☎️ The Phone Call Heard Round the Circus
A newly elected board member – 🙄✨ Our Lady of Loud Opinions – decides to phone someone who happened to be visiting me. One year ago.
My guest, sweet soul that he is, puts her on speaker, accidentally.
My security camera picks up everything.
God help me.
The soundtrack?
A symphony of ignorance.
👩🦳🗣️ A Stranger Who Knows Me Better Than I Know Myself
I’ve never met this woman, nor do I want to.
Never spoken to her, nor do I want to.
Never shared so much as a nod in the hallway.
And yet she speaks about me like she’s writing my unauthorized biography.
Her revelations:
- ❌ “She’s lying about her disability.”
- ❌ “She didn’t prove anything.”
- ❌ “Her dog barks constantly.”
My dog.
My silent sidekick.
My furry monk.
She speaks with the confidence of a woman who’s never let a fact stand in her way.
🐕💤 The Dog Who Apparently Screams Through Teams Calls
According to her, my dog howls through my workday like some deranged opera singer.
Meanwhile, reality:
- I work from home.
- I lead meetings with dozens of people.
- My dog is practically glued to my leg, asleep.
If he barked nonstop, half of my company would know.
But sure, let the gossipers invent their fairy tales.
🕵️♀️📡 And Where Does She Get All This Wisdom?
This is the part where the angels laugh.
She admits – proudly – that:
“Blazer told me.”
Because of course he did.
The man’s private hobby is whispering campaigns.
If misinformation were a sport, he’d have a gold medal, a parade, and a commemorative plaque in the lobby.
🧨🎪 Leadership, Blenvale-Style
So here’s your governance:
- A woman who talks like she’s auditioning for Real Housewives of Waterloo.
- A man who feeds her nonsense like communion wafers.
- A condo board that treats rumour as policy and facts as optional.
And this – THIS – is who was elected.
With pride.
With applause.
With the enthusiasm of people who don’t read audits or understand overdrafts.
😇💬 Final Blessing
I don’t fight them because I enjoy it.
I fight because someone has to remain sane in this gospel choir of gossip-addicted gobshites.
Every year they add new clowns to the circus.
And every year, I keep the receipts.
Amen.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
