Ah, Blenvale.
The place where the laws of the land go to die quietly in a recycling bin behind the building.
This morning, like a blessing from the heavens, I received a letter from our brand-new lawyer – a woman so fresh to the file she probably still thinks the board is competent. She demanded $1,200 for a Notice of Lien template that her clerk likely typed up in the time it takes to butter a slice of toast.
And isnāt that something?
Imagine charging $1,200 for a document with all the soul of a library overdue notice.
God love her, she tried.
But donāt worry at all.
Iāll pay it.
Iāll pay it with the quiet satisfaction of someone who already knows sheāll collect ten times that in damages, neatly, politely, and with a bow tied around the whole affair.
šŖ And Then They Cut My Access to UpperBee
Ah, but the day wasnāt finished with me yet.
Because after sending me the $1,200 love letter, they shut off my UpperBee access – as if flicking a switch might erase their own foolishness. Their reason?
āArrears.ā
Arrears, they say.
On an illegal special assessment that Iām contesting in Superior Court, mind you.
Itās the kind of logic only Blenvale could produce.
Like watching someone set their own house on fire and then shout at the flames for being disrespectful.
And letās be honest: banning me from the condo portal is illegal.
The kind of illegal that comes with damages.
A few thousand dollarsā worth, easily – the sort of money theyāll scrape together by sending out yet another round of āurgentā letters about āunexpectedā financial shortfalls.
But thatās none of my concern.
I didnāt set the fire.
š° Pay Now, Laugh Later
Iāll pay the amount. Iām nothing if not cooperative in the face of incompetence.
And then, in due course, Iāll collect.
From whichever poor soul approved the brilliant idea of banning an owner from their own access platform.
Itās all very poetic, really. Tragedy with a punchline.
āļø The Moral
Frank McCourt once wrote of people who could sink their own ship and still complain about the water.
I think of that often when I look at Blenvale.
They borrow illegally.
They mislead the community.
They run the bank account into overdraft.
They pass by-laws that could be used as props in a comedy sketch.
And when their world crumbles, what do they do?
They send me a $1,200 invoice and cut off my UpperBee access.
If it werenāt my money and my home, Iād nearly admire the creativity.
š§ļø Signing Off
So here we are:
Iāll pay their fee.
Theyāll pay my damages.
And the community will pay for all of it in the end – as they always do – because thatās the Blenvale way.
Ah, but sureā¦ youād have to laugh, wouldnāt you?
Otherwise, youād cry.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion.Ā Read full disclaimer.
