(A Blenvale Etiquette Lesson)
Today, dear residents, I learned a valuable lesson about professionalism at Blenvale:
You may be unlawfully locked out of your own records portal, denied access to your financial statements, and threatened with liens that smell like yesterday’s leftovers – but heaven forbid you utter the word bullshit.
Because at Blenvale, it is not the illegal act that offends them.
It is the label you put on it.
🎩 Introducing: The Upperbee Sensitivity Police™
According to our esteemed Property Manager, describing an unlawful suspension of owner access as “bullshit” is a capital offense.
Not a breach of duty.
Not obstruction.
Not mismanagement.
Not incompetence.
No. The true crime is my vocabulary.
Apparently, the word heard daily in corporate boardrooms, courtrooms, and kindergarten pickup lines is now classified at Blenvale as a Weapon of Mass Interruption.
📚 Blenvale Language Guidelines (2025 Edition)
Approved terms for owners:
- “Thank you for the mistreatment.”
- “Would you like my other kidney as well?”
- “I appreciate being gaslit with such elegance.”
Terms not permitted:
- Bullshit
- Nonsense
- Facts
- Accountability
Use of the above may result in the Property Manager refusing to respond, because nothing screams “professionalism” like withholding service when someone accurately describes your conduct.
🤦♀️ The Irony Olympics, Gold Medal Winner
Imagine telling an owner:
“You may not criticize me in plain language, or I shall place myself on communication strike.”
As if she’s doing me a favour by responding in the first place.
As if doing her job is optional.
As if the word is the problem – not the unlawful behaviour being described.
Bless her heart.
🥂 To Bullshit – The Word That Broke Blenvale
So yes, I used the word bullshit, because the situation is bullshit.
If this is the level of fragility we’re dealing with, no wonder the corporation is drowning in litigation.
One strong adjective and the whole infrastructure collapses.
Cheers, Blenvale.
May your skin thicken faster than your legal bills.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
