According to textbooks, Homo sapiens means “wise human.”
According to lived experience in this building, that was… optimistic.
After extensive field research conducted in elevators, AGMs, hallways, and email chains marked “URGENT,” a revision is overdue.
đź“š Exhibit A: Fear of Written Material
The human brain allegedly evolved to process information.
Introduce a status certificate, reserve fund study, or auditor’s comment, and observe the classic response:
- Sudden illiteracy
- Nervous nodding
- “I trust the Board” uttered like a prayer
Wisdom collapses in the presence of PDFs longer than two pages.
đź‘Ą Exhibit B: Group Living Without Group Thinking
We are a social species. Cooperation should be our advantage.
Instead, we practice delegated cognition:
- “Someone else must have looked at that.”
- “They wouldn’t do anything wrong.”
- “It’s probably fine.”
Historically, “probably fine” has ended many civilizations.
🚨 Exhibit C: Selective Alarm Systems
Certain stimuli fail to activate concern:
- Harassment → silence
- Unequal enforcement → disinterest
- Financial mismanagement → “too complicated”
But:
- A neighbour asking questions
- A dog existing incorrectly
Suddenly, neurons fire. Opinions form. Expertise emerges overnight.
🗳️ Exhibit D: Democracy, Comfort Edition
Yes, we vote. Very sapiens.
What we actually vote for is familiarity:
- Same people
- Same conduct
- Same reassurance that nothing will change
Change is treated like an invasive species. Familiar dysfunction feels safe, almost cozy.
🧩 Exhibit E: The Wisdom Gap
Wisdom traditionally involves:
- Learning from evidence
- Adjusting behaviour
- Admitting mistakes
Here, wisdom is redefined as:
- Don’t rock the boat
- Don’t read too closely
- Hope consequences arrive after you’ve sold
Evolutionary biologists may wish to take notes.
🧬 Conclusion: Reclassification Proposed
Based on prolonged observation, I recommend a temporary renaming:
Homo habituatus
The creature that mistakes familiarity for wisdom and silence for peace.
Still upright.
Still articulate.
Very proud of having evolved bylaws—
but not quite far enough to read them.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
