This week, we served appeal papers.
Or rather -we attempted to.
Because opposing counsel had apparently adopted a new litigation strategy:
👉 If I can’t see the appeal, the appeal can’t see me.
🏖️ Head in the Sand, Briefcase in Hand
Emails were sent.
Silence followed.
No out-of-office.
No acknowledgment.
No professional courtesy.
Just a lawyer – licensed, accredited, paid by the hour – with his head buried deep in the sand, convinced that procedural obligations cease when eyesight is obstructed.
This is known in legal circles as the Ostrich Defense.
It is not taught in law school, for obvious reasons.
🚗 The Miracle of Imminent In-Person Service
After days of radio silence, we prepared to drive to Guelph to serve him in person.
Keys out.
Coats on.
Engine warming.
And suddenly – movement in the sand 🫣
An email appears.
Alive.
Responsive.
Miraculously capable of typing.
Nothing motivates an ostrich like the sound of footsteps approaching.
🧠 A Note on “Strategy”
Let’s be blunt:
Hiding from service is not advocacy.
It’s not confidence.
It’s not even delay with style.
Service happens.
Appeals proceed.
And the record remembers who tried to burrow instead of respond.
🏁 Final Note
The law is not a predator you can evade by freezing.
And ostriches, for all their speed, still look ridiculous when they pretend the sand is doing the work.
Lift your head.
Do your job.
Or at least don’t confuse silence with dignity.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
