Let’s get something straight.
If your response to someone’s pain is “just fix yourself”, “be positive”, or “chin up”, you are not being helpful.
You are being lazy.
And worse – you’re pretending laziness is wisdom.
🧠 “Just Fix Yourself” Is Not Advice
It’s an Abdication
People say this when they don’t want to:
- listen
- think
- feel uncomfortable
- accept that suffering exists without a neat solution
“Fix yourself” assumes:
- the problem is internal
- the system is fine
- the environment is neutral
- the harm is imaginary or exaggerated
That’s not insight.
That’s gaslighting with a smile.
🩹 “Chin Up” Is Emotional Dismissal in Disguise
“Chin up” doesn’t reduce pain.
It invalidates it.
It says:
- Your pain is inconvenient
- Your emotions are excessive
- Your reality is something I’d rather not engage with
It’s the verbal equivalent of:
- closing the door
- changing the subject
- patting yourself on the back for “being positive”
⚙️ Some Things Are Not Mindset Problems
They Are Reality Problems
Chronic illness.
Disability.
Trauma.
Grief.
Systemic injustice.
Sustained hostility.
Long-term stress.
These are not solved by:
- affirmations
- platitudes
- vibes
- motivational posters
If positivity fixed them, they’d be gone already.
🧱 Telling Someone to “Fix Themselves” Protects the System
Here’s the uncomfortable truth:
When you tell someone to adjust themselves instead of questioning the conditions harming them, you’re not neutral.
You’re siding with the status quo.
Because it’s easier to blame an individual than to admit:
- the system is broken
- the rules are unfair
- the power imbalance is real
- the harm is structural
So you shrink the problem until it fits your comfort.
🔇 Silence Would Be More Honest
If you don’t know what to say – say nothing.
If you can’t sit with someone’s pain – don’t decorate it with clichés.
If your empathy only works when the story is tidy – that’s not empathy. That’s performance.
🖤 What Actually Helps
Not fixing.
Not cheering.
Not reframing.
What helps is:
- listening without correcting
- believing without qualifying
- staying without solving
- acknowledging without minimizing
Sometimes the most humane response is simply:
“This is real. And it’s hard. And you’re not imagining it.”
No chin required.
