A fictional advice column for people entrusted with responsibility and determined to avoid it.
❓ Dear Board,
A problem has existed for years, but it started before our term. Are we still responsible?
— Newly Elected
🪑 Dear Newly,
Absolutely not.
Problems only exist once you personally acknowledge them.
Until then, they are “historical.”
❓ Dear Board,
One resident is documenting everything. Should we be concerned?
— Nervous Secretary
🪑 Dear Nervous,
Documentation is only dangerous if it’s accurate.
Your best defense is to call it “excessive.”
❓ Dear Board,
We don’t understand the law we’re enforcing. Is that an issue?
— Learning on the Job
🪑 Dear Learning,
Not at all.
Confidence has always been a suitable substitute for comprehension.
❓ Dear Board,
Some residents want us to intervene. Others want us to do nothing. What’s the fair approach?
— Caught in the Middle
🪑 Dear Caught,
Side with whoever complains less.
Silence is the clearest form of consent.
❓ Dear Board,
We hired professionals. Can we just repeat whatever they say?
— Delegator
🪑 Dear Delegator,
Yes. This is called “governance.”
Bonus points if you can’t explain it afterward.
❓ Dear Board,
A resident keeps insisting we apply rules consistently. Is that realistic?
— Practical Thinker
🪑 Dear Practical,
Consistency is aspirational.
Selective enforcement builds character—yours.
❓ Dear Board,
People accuse us of creating a toxic environment. We feel that’s unfair.
— Offended
🪑 Dear Offended,
Tone matters more than impact.
If you feel insulted, the harm is automatically mutual.
❓ Dear Board,
We’re volunteers. Shouldn’t that count for something?
— Unappreciated
🪑 Dear Unappreciated,
Of course.
Volunteer status grants moral immunity
and partial exemption from consequences.
❓ Dear Board,
When is the right time to take responsibility?
— Timing Matters
🪑 Dear Timing,
Ideally after retirement, relocation,
or a binding court order.
📌 Board Principle of the Week
If accountability were easy,
it wouldn’t require so much avoidance.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
