Because Everyone Showed Up
š© Titles for All, Expertise for None
Everyone here has a title.
Chair. Vice-Chair. Treasurer. Something with āliaisonā in it.
What we donāt have is:
- Relevant knowledge
- Training
- Or any demonstrable understanding of what weāre deciding
But do carry on – confidence has never needed credentials.
šŖ Attendance Is the Achievement
We reward attendance, not competence.
You came to the meeting.
You stayed awake for most of it.
You nodded at the right moments.
Frankly, thatās leadership material.
Actual outcomes are terribly demanding and can feel a bitā¦ judgy.
š§ Decision-Making, But Make It Vibes
We donāt rely on facts.
Facts are confrontational.
We rely on:
- Gut feelings
- How something ālandsā
- Whether it makes us personally uncomfortable
If it does, we vote against it.
Democracy, you see.
š§¾ Accountability Is So Aggressive
No one is accountable.
But everyone is offended.
Ask a question?
Hostile.
Request clarification?
Tone.
Mention laws, policies, or previous decisions?
Very upsetting. Please calm down.
Responsibility feels like blame, and weāre not here for that.
š« Conflict Resolution
When something goes wrong, we:
- Form a committee
- Refer it to another committee
- Then act surprised nothing changed
Direct action would be unseemly.
Better to wait it out and hope the problem gets tired.
š Our Proudest Achievement
Despite everything:
- No one resigned
- No one learned anything
- No one admitted error
A flawless record.
š Tagline
Because responsibility is stressful.
And frankly, we didnāt volunteer for that.
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion.Ā Read full disclaimer.
