A philosophical question has been tormenting scholars, psychologists, and at least three residents waiting for the elevator:
Why does Blazer keep reading this blog?
One would assume that if a person strongly dislikes something, the logical solution would be simple.
Don’t read it.
And yet…
Like a moth to a porch light…
Like a raccoon to an open garbage bin…
Blazer returns.
Daily.
Faithfully.
Religiously.
🔬 Hypothesis #1: Hate-Reading Is a Hobby
There exists a rare but fascinating human pastime known as hate-reading.
It works like this:
- You read something that annoys you.
- You become angry.
- You keep reading anyway.
- Repeat indefinitely.
It is similar to people who say they hate reality television but somehow know every single episode.
Blazer may simply be conducting daily outrage maintenance.
🧠Hypothesis #2: Intellectual Curiosity
Perhaps Blazer is studying the blog the way scientists study unusual phenomena.
Like volcanologists studying eruptions.
Or marine biologists studying deep-sea creatures.
Perhaps somewhere there is a notebook that says:
Observation 47: Blog post contained sarcasm. Subject experienced elevated blood pressure.
If so, we applaud the dedication to research.
🕵️ Hypothesis #3: The Surveillance Instinct
Some people watch Netflix.
Some people watch hockey.
And some people apparently monitor satire written about them like it’s a national security briefing.
Morning coffee.
Laptop open.
Checking the blog.
“Let’s see what they said about me today…”
This is not reading.
This is self-inflicted investigative journalism.
🧲 Hypothesis #4: The Magnetic Pull of Satire
Voltaire once understood something profound about satire:
People who are the subject of it cannot resist reading it.
They know it will annoy them.
They know they will disagree with every word.
And yet…
Curiosity whispers:
Maybe today they didn’t mention me.
And then they click.
And discover that, tragically,
they did.
🏆 Hypothesis #5: Secret Fan
Let us consider a radical possibility.
What if Blazer secretly enjoys it?
What if, deep down, beneath the outrage and the hallway gossip, there is a tiny voice saying:
“Well… that one was actually pretty funny.”
We may never know.
🤔 The Final Theory
There is an ancient rule of the internet:
Nothing attracts readers like the suspicion they might appear in the next post.
So the real mystery is not why Blazer reads the blog.
The real mystery is:
Will he be reading this one too? đź‘€
Disclaimer: This post is satire and opinion. Read full disclaimer.
